


You're Enough, You're Enough, You're Enough, I Promise You

by orphan_account



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Implied Self-Hatred, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, implied insecurities, tw for body insecurities, tw for self-hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7802017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"you could have picked from anyone in this entire world and you choose me" au followed up by "why would you choose me im not attractive or anyth wtf why are you crying" au</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Enough, You're Enough, You're Enough, I Promise You

**Author's Note:**

> please forgive me for disgracing the benny/usnavi tag with this garbage
> 
>  
> 
> tw for self-hatred, body insecurities and mentions of sexual assault/rape from the past
> 
> Edit, august sixth: okay dumbass me didnt even realize i demonized the only gay person (canon) in ith?? Like @ younger-writer me the fuck? anyways i changed it to javi (no correlation to javier munoz, although he was a cunt there for a bit) because i didnt know any other character. Again, my apologies. Happy reading, heed the warnings!

"Why?"

It was quiet when he asked, Benny's hand softly stroking his hair that was too greasy to be soft but still felt pleasant. His other hand rubbed comforting circles on Usnavi's wrist, Usnavi's own arm tossed across Benny's toned stomach.

"Why what?" Benny mumbled, eyes still closed as he shifted on the bed. Usnavi nuzzled his face closer to him.

"Why me?" He asked with voice raspy from previous activities. "Why did you want me?"

There was a moment of silence a few seconds too long to be comfortable. 

"I'm... I don't get what you mean, 'Navi." His voice was truely confused. Could a voice be confused? Focus, 'Navi, focus.

_"I mean_ -!" Usnavi paused and recollected. "I mean... why did you fall in love with  _me?_ you could have picked from anyone in the _world_ and you chose _me_. Ordinary, unattractive, practically useless me..."

Benny's eyes had widened as Usnavi listed different and _horrible_ things about himself, his mouth falling open to gape slightly. "Usnavi!" He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. "Do you- do you think you're- how do you- I-I-" 

Benny was at a loss for words. A complete loss. 

Usnavi felt nervousness pulse through his veins, body tingling hotly. "What?" He asked in an attempt to play off Benny's concern.

"What do you mean  _what?!_ You just  _confessed_ that you-" He paused and hauled Usnavi off of him. 

"H-Hey where are you-" 

Benny boxed Usnavi in, arms pinned on either of his shoulders. Benny quickly realized he would probably suffocate him by the time he was done and quickly flipped him and Usnavi over so he was on the bottom instead of him. Usnavi almost went flying from the force of Benny's strength.

"Benny i don't get it- it isn't that big of a deal that i think you deserve better!" He argued. 

"Do you hear whats coming out of your mouth right now, 'Navi?" Benny spat. 

"Yes?" Usnavi asked, annoyance straining his voice. "And?"

Benny started, mouth agape, eyes wide. "Are you  _stupid_?!" His voice rose with each word.

Usnavi felt tears well in his eyes and he looked away from the broad shouldered man. 

"You are  _confessing_ , confessing that you think  _I_ dont  _deserve you!_ " Benny was shouting and Benny  _never_ shouted at Usnavi.

Usnavi was about to beg him to stop when tears welled and spilled over in Benny's eyes and over his cheeks.

Usnavi's eyes went  _wide._ "Hey-Hey!" Usnavi sputtered and struggled to free his arms from beneath Benny. "Nonono!" 

Usnavi freed his arms and brought his hands to Benny's face, brushing away tears with his thumbs. 

"Fuck-" Benny choked out and brought one hand to his own face, pushing away Usnavi's. "Fuckfuckfu-fuck."

He pushed off of Usnavi, practically grinding the palms of his hands into his own eyes. 'Navi didnt move, stared at the ceiling, eyes slanted.

"Fuck..." Benny breathed. "How can you think... I could deserve  _anything_ better than you?" His voice shook and cracked on 'anything.' 

Usnavi bit his tongue and leaned up, propped on his elbows. "I-I don't..."

Silence.

"Im not like you."

Benny looked up, eyes red. "What?"

"Im not strong. Im not handsome. Im  _definetely_ not ripped like you. I just," Usnavi's voice was soft and he looked down, eyes full of tears. "I-I don't get why you chose me ov-over _a-ANYONE_ in the barrio!"

The tears were rolling down his cheeks now, eyes clenched shut tightly.  _Damn it, men don't cry fuck fuck fuck!_ But there was no time for following stereotypes. He _sobbed_ , massive tears, angry tears, angry at _Benny,_ angry at Benny for not seeing he wasn't the  _best._  

Benny leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Usnavi's frail shoulders. "I  _know_ I could! But do you think there is anyone there i would love more than you?' His hands rubbed soothing circles on each of his shoulders. "I've known you since you first  _moved_ here, since we were  _children,_ and when i started having feelings for you i just- I thought it wasn't allowed because no one in Heights was... y'know, gay!"

Usnavi looked at him, eyes red. "What about Javi..."

Benny felt a hot coil of guilt wrap around his stomach. "Usnavi, he doesn't count. He loved me, i didnt love him."

"And why didnt you?" Usnavi's voie was thick, accusing. "He was tall and handsome and... and  _skinny..._ " 

Benny slammed his lips into Usnavi's with enough force to crack his teeth. "Don't you ever fucking say that again, you hear me Usnavi De La Vega?"

Full name. Ouch, he thought. Was he going to far? Quite possibly. Was he going to far with his next remark? Hell yeah he was.

"Remember how it happened?" He asked firmly.

Usnavi's eyes went wide. "I thought we weren't talking about that-"

" _Do you remember how it happened?_ " Benny repeated and almost snarled.

Usnavi swallowed and nodded.

" _Javi_ _,_ " Benny spat. "Javi had you pinned against a wall with his hand stuffed in your pants, at the club."

Usnavi dug his hands into his hair. God, Benny hated having to subject Usnavi to this but if it was what it would take.

"I thought you were just drunk and fucking and would try to forget about it but you were screaming, screaming no and he wouldn't stop."

"You knocked his teeth out..." Usnavi said softly.

"What?" Benny looked at him with hard eyes.

"I said... you knocked his teeth out..." Benny's chest swelled. 

"Damn right i did," He smirked, remembering his bleeding face on the concrete. It disappeared when he remember Usnavi's red, scratched up face. "And you were crying. I hugged you, looked you over..."

Benny shifted.

"Looking back on it, i should've asked if i could touch you. But you were my best friend and he just hurt you... I..."

Usnavi jumped lightly when Benny's hand wrapped around his thick thigh.

"Usnavi I love you."

Usnavi almost laughed but caught himself. "I love you, but if you want to be with someone else, don't let my love get in the way of-"

Benny grabbed his hands and pushed him back, pinning them to the bed. His lips pressed against Usnavi's slow, soft, tender kisses planted up and down his neck. Benny nipped the soft skin on his collarbone and Usnavi gasped. Benny stopped.

"Are you okay?" He asked, rubbing a thumb over the red mark that was forming.

Usnavi had tears in his eyes when Benny met his eyes. "Tell me you love me."

Benny was confused for a moment and Usnavi was about to take it back when Benny smiled warmly. "I love you."

Chills shot down Usnavi's spine. "Again." He gasped. Any selfish thoughts he thought he had flooded away when Benny kissed his neck. 

"I love you."

Usnavi didnt need to say it again. 

Benny kissed his chest. "I love you." He moved down to his ribs, kissed each side. "I love you." Moved to his stomach, kissing the soft skin, relishing in how it gave under his lips. " _I love you._ "

Usnavi wriggled his hips. Benny moved back up and kissed his forehead. "I love you." It was a whisper now.

Benny pressed a long, tender kiss to Usnavi's lips and didnt move back until after he drew his tongue across his bottom lip and Usnavi let out a low moan. He pressed his forehead to his and listened to Usnavi's breathing for awhile. It was wrecked, tired, sounded sad but relieved.

Benny's hand was splayed over his belly, tips of his fingers kneading the soft pudge around his hips. Usnavi sighed again. This time it was happier, more content. Benny's lips twitched in a soft smile.

"I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me for disgracing the bensnavi tag with this shit


End file.
